Marriage is like playing cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond. In the end you wish you had a club and a spade.
All days ain't good, but there's something good in every day.
On the other hand...
Not all days suck, but something sucks every day.
A Bhuddist walks up to a hot dog stand and says,
"Make me one with everything."
After paying he says, "Hey, where's my change?"
The vendor replies, "Change... comes from within."
Descartes walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Would you like a beer?"
Descartes says, "I think not" – and disappears.
But I ask, if I think not, am I not?
- Oh, I think not. Don't you think?
Television - a medium.
So called because it is neither rare nor well done.
There is intelligent life on earth - but I am just visiting.
Read my lips!
God is dead and I don't feel all too well either...
Writings on a wall:
"God is dead!" "Nietzsche is dead."
If God made anything better than me, he would have kept it for himself.
DISCLAIMER: I do by no means claim to be the author of any of the jokes. All praise is due elsewhere. Most of this stuff has kindly been sent to me by my friends. Thank you all! I do however reserve the right to edit the material freely. Originals are not retained.